I was on day 89 of my “walking myself home” project (a project calling for mindful
inner dialogue and where every day I tune in to my required focus for that day) and
the theme that had come to me that morning was: allow yourself to be surprised.
As soon as I had tuned into that theme – I could feel my sense of awareness and my
mood change – to one of curiosity and gratitude. I packed the rest of my clothes and
materials and made my way to the breakfast bar.
After 4 days of being surrounded by many hotel guests and a group of amazing
women (including my co-facilitators) it surprised me how empty the space was that
day, and I could feel the invitation to find a small table that would be fine just for me.
What a joy to be able to choose a table with a view and let myself slow down and be
guided by the rich offerings that were laid out. No rush to get to the meeting room in
time … just a stretch of “me time” till the taxi came to take me to the airport & make
my way back home.
I settled in with a few drinks: vitamin mix – fresh fruit juice and a beautiful Latte
Macchiato – which I sensed they had made with great attention and care and
brought to me with a genuine welcoming smile. And as I looked at my plated
selection of scrambled eggs – tomato – grilled vegetables (the ones that really taste
like vegetable) and a small sausage I was reminded of the “silent” lunch exercise we
had earlier that week. So I invited myself to eat with full awareness – honoring the
origin and flavors of this rich food . Seeing it less as something that is just to fill me
up but rather explore what ‘nourishment’ could mean. This is a practice I wish for
myself – return to “real” foods versus the processed and often so tempting E filled
preparations. Well rather a more balanced and more aware consumption of food
(aka that is more realistic and already a great first step)
As I sat there – another guest caught my eye – from all the places in the large room
– he had chosen the table next to me. A man in his mid-thirties I would say – having
hesitantly filled his plate – he had eaten with attention and an inner smile and had
then taken out what looked like a journal.
I then recalled – that we had briefly crossed the evening before where he had been
in the bar ordering a drink. And I had noticed that he had done so with an openness
and kindness not frequently observed. I had sensed how he truly saw the staff
member and had honored them in the way he had connected and thanked for their
service. At the time I had not given it much thought – however thinking back I can
remember it had given me a” happy” feeling and made me smile. Grateful for the
simplicity of the gesture and to know that there are other people like me – seeking to
just slow down enough to notice the other people we engage with.
Observing him – clearly an adult man – I could sense he also carried a halo of
innocence and boyishness. Being a bit shy as he walked around the buffet –
deciding whether to choose another bun or not.
For those of you wondering – all this happened in seconds (aka it was not a blatant
staring sequence) – my own sense of boundary and discomfort – dictated the
sequence and duration of observation.
Yet long enough for me to notice that he had indeed taken out a journal and a pen
ready to write. Knowing the process well – I could see him close his eyes – tune in
and then write the reflections of his inner dialogue. Bits of paper with images –
collage type ripped pieces slipped out – which he gently recollected and placed back
at the end of the journal. I could not help but smile as I realized: I do not believe I
have ever met another man – having a practice mirroring mine. I was even briefly
disappointed that I had not brought my own to breakfast – yet I had a book holding
me company as I mindfully tasted my Latte.
An inner movement – which I have come to trust -kept bubbling up inviting me to
reach out and engage in a conversation with him. Paused by the – conditioning – off
“Oh my”: as long as he would not think of me as a midlife muse (is nicer than
“middle-aged woman” or even “old Hag” society may call us)– looking for company.
Even writing it – makes my tummy shift. Yet that whole thing is another story all
together.
Anyway – I was close to letting it go – when I just spoke up – asking: am I witnessing
you journaling? His face lit up and he was clearly happy to share his Yes –
immediately asking whether I was familiar with the process.
We engaged in what must have been not much more than a 15 min conversation
(after all my taxi was arriving soon) – yet that short chat will remain a gift to me. I had
the joy to witness his exploration of life. And learning that he and I share a passion
for solo travel – for stepping in a car and seeing where the road takes you – of being
attentive to the big and small things that cross your path. Of being truly surprised by
the everyday magic & making time to witness others and trying to live with an open
heart. In those few minutes he shared that his father had a heart attack and an
extensive bypass surgery just last year– making him halt and change the pattern of
his life. “ I noticed that I was much like my father and working all the time. This
happening to him woke me up and I have now left the building business to work for a
town council. My friends are delighted I have re-prioritized Living a full life”. What a
gift to again be witness to his “life-changing story”.
I learned that his name was Sebastian and I shared with him how I had noticed his
aura of kindness the day earlier and he just thanked me for that.
Knowing I was set to go – I asked him: if you could design an experience (think
retreat / workshop) for yourself – what would it be? Again an expression of happy
surprise crossed his face and I could see the internal reflection process he was
going through. Interestingly he started by talking about the ‘relationship’ dimension
and how it is hard for men to find their place and be allowed to help and serve
women – when they notice they can. I thought about the conversations I had at
home with my husband and how men have not been consulted as key stakeholders
in the societal change that women are now driving. And I could sense a similar wish
and disheartenment in Sebastian’s energy. His sincere seeking to understand and
being at loss as to what to do to belong. He also talked about challenges at work and
finding balance between the eruptive side of the masculine (which he often
experienced in the construction business) and a vision of a wide spread of emotions
needed to truly connect with peers and needed to be a leader for a team. I could
sense that – no different to the 12 amazing women that we had just lead through an
inner leadership journey, Sebastian was looking to reconnect with his authenticity
and to experience and stand for Balanced leadership. The one where it is not an us
versus them – but a very personal blend.
I left after that – we did not exchange contact details (=not what it was about). I did
know that for both of us that brief conversation marked our day and would likely pop
up in conversations and dialogue to come. It would further fuel my fire and my
journey to do my part in seeing people’s light and help them figure out where they
belong